Shake Shack

Today I am eating lunch at a busy burger joint in King of Prussia. Mom didn't pack me a lunch, and I didn't pack me a lunch (we're out of practice these days), so I had to go. And honestly, I might've left my boring rabbit food in the fridge and gone for Shake Shack anyway.

I went a few months ago and once I tried their cheese fries, there was no going back. I now connect the International Dermal Institute with Shake Shack with cheese fries with specifically-flavored satisfaction.

The only occasion I have to experience the unique aftertaste of Shake Shack's cheese fries and the mouthwatering sweetness of its creative weekly shake offerings is when I drive to King of Prussia, not to shop at the luxurious and large shopping mall, but to attend skin care classes at the International Dermal Institute.

The IDI has two types of classes: classes based on the Dermalogica skin care line, and advanced classes geared toward any skin care line.

Today (which is actually a couple of days ago since I wrote the first two paragraphs of this post a few days ago) was my first IDI advanced class called "Skin Analysis 101."  It was a refresher plus more!  I even learned that my cosmetology book lied to me when it said there are five layers of skin all over the body (the stratum lucidum only exists on the palms of our hands and he soles of our feet!), that our fingerprints originate at the epidermal-dermal junction, and that a lot of those pesky sebum-filled dots congesting our skin aren't actually blackheads - they're natural and called sebaceous filaments.

The idea is, I learned a lot about how to better understand your skin and help you understand your own skin while I give it a good look under my mag lamp.

Being licensed in esthetics is different from being confident in it, and with each class I take at the IDI I become more confident in my ability to provide luxurious and effective facial treatments to clients. 

That's what I did on Tuesday. Today's Friday and I'm blogging while visiting with my exceptional Grandmother. Earlier I got sucked into a "Father Brown" episode she and Mom were watching in which major themes were Nazi art theft and a single woman's quest for revenge. She nearly got away with gassing a former Nazi inside a large art safe, which is somewhat poetic, but Father Brown stopped her with talk of the episode's overarching theme of justice vs revenge.

At the end Father Brown reclaimed The Stolen Painting from the primary art thief's umbrella hiding spot and replaced it with a note, a Bible verse, the one asking, "Does it matter if a man gains the whole world, if he loses his soul?" Thief smirked at it and tossed it to the ground but I like that verse because I find it rather grounding and it makes me think.

That's it for now!

So What Happened?

What happened to me during those many months in which I did not blog? And why didn't I bother?

Creativity Distracted: I began to despise the inner workings of my job, became manically depressed by it to the point of not going out etc. and eventually put in my two weeks, feeling underappreciated/undervalued/underestimated and sick of unrealistic demands placed on me.

Creativity Distracted: I found a wonderful man who is now my boyfriend and dotes on me even in my moodiest moments. I could go on.

Creativity Stifled (Obliterated): also Identity Lost: I began a job at a salon/spa.  It lasted six months. This is the prime reason I stopped blogging, photography-ing, art-ing, and in general enjoying life (I also stopped making money). Many employees fit in at this location but I did not, and it took me all six months to realize that my desired plan of advancement within the salon did not match the trajectory set for me by my bosses.  Etcetera.

Creativity Shocked Out of Existence: I got pregnant.

I am still pregnant. Now I am short two toxic working environments and have rediscovered who I am (seriously). I am no longer a workhorse harnessed to a grindstone day after day who doesn't question why and only hopes that one day it will stand out from the other workhorses and be promoted to pulling trains up mountains.

Perhaps I took that metaphor too far.

What I was doing was choosing to remain oppressed by my work environments. I followed the rules and hoped someday to be noticed and promoted to a higher, more admirable position.  There are two problems with this thought model: (1) By following the rules I blended in with everyone else and had no chance of standing out, and (2) the more admirable position I sought was not necessarily better than my original position, requiring just as much work and rule-following as before.

I have been between jobs for about one month now. Having realized the problems with my thought model, I now know what to seek in a future job. I choose to interview my employer carefully instead of begging for a position, any position.

I refuse to be attached to the grindstone of folding towels in hopes of cutting hair, or even attending copious classes and presenting many models only to be denied clients.  Such behavior leads in circles and in no way forward to open pastures of creativity and growth.

I didn't fit into the corporate wax center or the disorganized salon/spa because neither allowed for growth: no mistakes, no trying new things, no personalization, no wildness, no critical thinking, no star trek, no empathy, no mood swings, no listening - all critical parts of who I am.

Let's address boyfriend and pregnancy for one moment.  I'm somewhat, somewhat, over being distracted by these factors, but at one point they played a huge role in stifling my output.

Emotional stressors cause my brain to focus intensely on one thing and that only. Some people have the gift of channelling joys and sorrows into art. I do not have that gift.

You will hear more about my pregnancy in future posts, and probably my brilliant other, too.

Be sure to note that Significant Other is a creative genius. He often shows me up by being more productive than me (I mean, inspires me with his display of motivation). More importantly, he encourages all of my creative output, even my mediocre poetry (to some degree), while giving me grace when I cannot perform to my own standards.

So I say again, I'm back and better than ever.

She's Baaaaack!

"Danielle?"
...
"Danielle!"
....
This is the manner in which my technological devices have been calling to me, gently trying to reroute me back to "Fancy Ground Picking."

And until now, I have said "nope" with varying degrees of exhaustion, apprehension, laziness, and low-key resentment.

"Stop calling to me! Let me live my life!"

However small the responsibility is keeping up with my small and very unknown blog, it is a responsibility nonetheless and I have failed myself and my readers.

I am ready to re-start this blog with new gusto. My goals are to critique makeup and products that I purchase, include photographs, review things I have read, and share (anonymous) poignant conversations I have shared with fellow humans.

This in addition to the usual quips, life events, things I think everyone should agree with, and other freeform thoughts.

Okay?

It sounds like fun to me.