Heartbreaking

There's this song by Marina and the Diamonds that's been on my mind.  It's got this great dance beat and lyrics that are deceptively empowering.  In reality they are a critique of the way humans act in order to avoid heartbreak.

Side note: Marina and the Diamonds is really just a singer named Marina Diamante.  "The Diamonds" are her fans.

A lyric: "This is how to be a heart breaker: boys, they like the look of danger - we'll get him falling for a stranger, a player, singing "I love you - at least I think I do."

Other tips:
-you gotta have fun, but when you're done, you've gotta be the first to run.
-don't get attached to somebody you could lose
-gotta be looking pure: kiss him goodbye at the door and leave him wanting more
-wear your heart on your cheek, but never on your sleeve - unless you want to taste defeat.

Have you broken any hearts?

What does it feel like, to break a heart, and how do you know you've done it?

Is it your job to fix it, and how do you do it?

What do you do about those hearts you've damaged that you might never know about?

Marina sings almost as if breaking hearts feels good and gives strength, but my guess is that hurting people (lovers, friends, family) doesn't feel good at all.

-

I have actual writing assignments to do and am procrastinating from them.

I'm currently sitting in the break room at work hoping that writing a blog post will inspire me to bang out an assignment or two.

I'm going to be very frustrated when my buzzer goes off (which means I have to go and wax someone).  I would much prefer to be creative and by myself all day.

And listen to sermons, and music.

Okay, the sermons part was a lie.  I want to want to listen to sermons.  I work on Sundays, which is a semi-valid excuse for not attending church - but not an excuse (in the age of technology) to not listen to and learn from the Word of God.

I'm pretty sure there are people praying for me about that currently.  Or they're going to read this and then start praying.

-

Remember how I wrote about motives earlier? Well, I did a motive check recently and did some amazing things because God gave me the strength to do them.

I give credit to everyone who has been praying for me and knows my situation, since I certainly was in denial about my true motives and wasn't praying for myself.  I'm going to be vague about this:

When I am pursuing healthy relationships with people who know and love God and care about me, I am more able to follow God and grow closer to Him.

When I am not following God, there exists a communication block between the God and I (whether I like it or not).  I also stop pursuing relationships with people God has put in my life to help bring me closer to Him.

This is what God did: a wise friend/mentor of mine came in to my work!  As I waxed her eyebrows, she asked me about my life .  I talked her through my current pressing dilemma and she said things like "Mmmhmm" and "Oh, wow." At the appropriate time, my friend interjected, "It seems like you know exactly what you need to do."  She was right; I did.

And so almost immediately, I did what I needed to do.  I obeyed God, who said, "Danielle, you aren't listening to the Holy Spirit inside of you.  I'm going to help you out because I love you.  I am going to surprise you with a visit from a dear friend.  This friend is going to convict you without condemning you, and as a result you are going to let me transform your life (for the umpteenth time)."

Can you believe it?  I can.

Red Bull

Can you tell me where the red bull grows?

-

There is an animated '80's movie called "The Last Unicorn" I which the ultimate nemesis is the Red Bull, who keeps all of the unicorns imprisoned under the ocean. 

I can't help but know in my heart that the creators of the Red Bull energy drink got its name from the ferocious, electric, unstoppable beast in that movie. 

-

In the book "Where the Red Fern Grows," a a boy's beloved dogs die (drawing tears from even the least emotive of readers) and he buries them somewhere special. Later, when he happens by that special place he finds that there is red fern growing there. I believe this is meant to be a sign that everything happens for a reason, or that God really loved the dogs, or something like that. 

Something ridiculous: the boy's parents reasoned to him it was for the best the dogs died since they were thinking of moving to town anyway, where dogs wouldn't be allowed. 

How comforting.

-

Iced coffee at Starbucks does not taste as lovely as its cold brew.  If cold brew is not available, choose something other than iced coffee.

-

I went to the chiropractor's office yesterday and learned a little bit from him about epigenetics.  According to the doctor, I can change my genes by changing my lifestyle and pass down better genes to my future children.  Something like that.

Basically, I am responsible for how my children turn out.  And my parents are responsible for how I came out.  Maybe I would have been healthier if they would have lived healthier.  Maybe if my grandmother and my father had taken fewer antibiotics, their guts would have been healthier, they would have passed that down to me, and I wouldn't have bipolar disease.

That sounds like a bunch of shit.

Just saying.

I like not having responsibilities like having to lead a healthy lifestyle to change my genes for the future generation.  I'd rather just not have kids so as to not pass bipolar on to some helpless being who didn't get a choice about whether or not to be born.

-

Someone recently asked me about my blog. I tried to explain it and she interjected, "Is it a whole bunch of rants?" My entire demeanor changed.  I became defensive and said "NO" very seriously.  That leads me to believe that there must be some rants on here.

C. is one perceptive, badass woman.

She gave me a stack of CD's with conglomerates of poems on them by different poets and read by different people.  I can broaden my poetic horizons once I figure out how to get the poems on my iphone (i.e. impossible)!

-

I've been making jewelry for fun that no one is buying.  FYI it is for sale.  Check out Ground Picker Jewelry on Etsy.  It's great.  People ask me how I spend my time and I usually say "making art" but when I say that I realize I haven't been making art.  Why not? Because I found a huge jar of junk jewelry for sale at Goodwill and have been recycling it into awesome necklaces!

-

I have a guitar sitting in the corner that I got at a flea market.  I re-strung it and have a how-to-play-guitar book but it remains untouched.

I think of it as my destiny in the corner.  It is waiting for me until I'm ready for it.

Someone put it that way and I like it.  "Waiting until I'm ready for it."  - It'll be there unless mom gets sick of it and throws it out.

Your destiny is waiting for you, too! What is it?