Air Force

I was out swing dancing the other night.

Swing dancing is a great way to spend a Saturday night and meet new people.  You're supposed to ask each other to dance, so it's always entirely platonic, except when people who met at swing get married.

I was in the bathroom putting makeup on because I hadn't had time before I drove over.

I hadn't known before the gravity of the role the bathroom plays in the social dynamic of Saturday night swing.

Young middle school/high school age girls came in and left tittering about, "I saw you dancing with him and your face was SO red!" - "Nuh-uh - WAS it?!"

Other girls came and had important conversations while fixing their faces in the mirror.

The one I remember, though, is a posse of three led by an alpha female in a with dark hair and dark red lips.  The triumvirate had been discussing boys, of course, but in this case they were talking about whether or not so-and-so is going to the Air Force academy and whether or not he would make it through.

One girl mentioned someone she knew in the military who doesn't smile anymore.
(Dumbass - it's the military, they take things seriously.)

And Alpha female speaks up as she suavely reapplies her lipstick, "Listen. I've BEEN to the Air Force academy.  I've APPLIED to the air force academy.  I've been ACCEPTED to the Air Force academy...."

And I'm not sure exactly what her point was except to impress her friends and maybe in doing so pretend to possess the great gift of discernment between real military men and duds.  I'm not sure if she's going or not.

As she and her friends pranced out of the bathroom peace was restored to my heart.

Okay.  Seriously, girl.

You don't just fling stuff like that around.  Being accepted into the Air Force academy is a HUGE deal and you are inserting it into this conversation to glorify yourself. Let's talk about how amazing it is that you heard so-and-so wants to serve his country instead of bringing up a college you visited but decided not to attend.

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I also danced that night with a disturbingly delusional young man.  He made wild statements like "I'm from another planet and am here to enslave the entire human race" and "I am the deity in my own cult, along with Zach and Cody from that television show a while back," and "I'm a lawyer representing all birds who hit windows at night and are injured."

Thing is, he never broke character.  His character kept changing, which was disturbing as well.  I thought the "enslaving human race" line was just a really horrible icebreaker and he would break from his delusions and go, "Just kidding, I'm not [insert alien-sounding name here], I'm Johnny." But he didn't.  It was the first dance in which I considered leaving my partner on the dance floor in the middle of the dance.  I was beyond disturbed.

I had a friend do reconnaissance and he found that a few other girls had the same experience.

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My favorite vignette is me talking to a girl about my tattoo in the back room between the bathrooms and the dance room.  The conversation morphed into tattoos she wanted, which were all kind of funny if one were to enter the conversation at the wrong time.  And it just so happened that we were spaced kind of perfectly so that people had to walk through us to get to the water fountain or to the bathrooms just as she was saying loudly, "I want a tramp stamp pentagram so when I'm changing as a firefighter I look badass!"

Which is pretty badass because being a firefighter is another way one can serve one's country, and because she's creative enough to think of things like how and when her tattoo will be revealed.

It just killed me, though, to hear her yelling the word "tramp stamp" through several people.

But I guess people should mind their own business.

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Did I just say people should mind their own business? Disregard scenario number one.