However

It's been a while once again since I've written a blog, but it's vacation time!  Time for long car rides full of reflections and thoughts to share with people.

This vacation is to Massachusetts to visit my badass cop sister.  (vacation: to vacate one's current situation and flee to another. No word on whether this will be more or less pleasant. Last vacation was less pleasant. This one has the winds of good cheer blowing over it already.)

There will be gift sharing there. If only it was the thought that counted and not the physical gift, for I have none. Yet. There's a mall up there.

The other day I wanted to take the back way to my friend's house that I saw her do once and I was sure I could replicate with the help of my GPS once I had gotten it far enough to assure it I wanted to go that way. I failed in such a way that I couldn't help but smile; I had come back to the exact point where I had started my effort. My GPS has a very strong will.

However (oh my gosh- I just met this girl my age whose every other sentence begins with the word however. I almost want to bring it up to her but don't want to make her feel self-conscious. More on her later.), I was exposed to such countryside as I had never expected would be in my figurative backyard! I crossed some European-looking cars and went through this little town center where a nice white-haired man waved at me out of his car (which I suspect was because it was his turn and I had violated some form of intersection etiquette) - (I call him nice because he didn't shout or use rude gestures) and I almost thought I was in a different world. And it turned out I was just driving in a relatively small circle.

I actually saw scenes that brought about memories of recent dreams I've had. Sometimes this happens to me and elates me because it proves to me that I have dreams and they do stay in my head even if I cannot readily access them. They come about magically when they want to or when God wants them to or something like that! And I relate dreams to creativity and continued thought and problem solving during sleep. Sometimes I think the reason I'm so tired during the day is because I spend so much time processing and thinking and dreaming during the night, which is really exciting because dreams are magical and crazy things.

Last night I dreamed about being a part of NCIS and climbing out of a car submerged in water and up, up, up onto a suspension bridge high in the air into a chaotic scene with many many people riding a train and me riding one the opposite way with the assignment of telling the people to trust what they were being told because I trusted the person who was speaking. There were also dirt tunnels involved.

The same girl who uses the word "however" excessively had a dream that helped her with an art project. I wish I had dreams like that.

About her: I met her through church about two days ago and spent some time with her yesterday. Over the course of about 45 minutes it hit me that she was the girl from elementary school who left because everybody made fun of.

Including me.

Of course, I was the girl who was on-and-off nice to the group of weird girls because it was the nice girl thing to do but I secretly resented them for being different and I was cruel behind their backs to my family and sometimes I joined in with the meanness of my other classmates when I thought she was especially odd or annoying. I don't know if she thought I was an ally or an enemy, but it's not about ME. It's about her. And I was just part of everybody that made her move to another school district after fifth grade.

I apologized to her IF I ever hurt her. Like I didn't. And she said, "all is forgiven." Just like that. But would she really feel forgiving if she saw the way I made fun of her behind her back, to my mom, for example? I was CRUEL.

But we had a good time together and I think there's some healing taking place. Maybe we can both let go of some things.