Funny

The other day I was thinking about men. 

This is not unusual. 

But assessing my man situation, I decided I needed to be pursued by men instead of pursuing them. 

Fat chance. 

Mom always says I shouldn't have to always be the one to drive to other people's houses; they should want to come to me too. Well, besides the fact that guys aren't allowed in the house, I'm pretty sure I would have no friends if I didn't drive to them. Because they're worth it to me but not the other way around and that's okay. 

Just as long as we get to see each other. 

I have this habit of watching my phone as if it's a flower growing. If I wait long enough and water it (and maybe watching will help) I'll be rewarded with a flower opening in front of my eyes. Or in this case, a text message from someone I want to hear from. 

(This is a negative way to waste time and thought energy.)

So anyhow, I start playing out these scenarios in my head of men pursuing me. Two of them. 

On my lunch break, in the park, I walk by a semi-suitable man and picture him running up behind me and saying, no lie, "I was dared by my friends to ask out the next girl I saw walking barefoot and it was you."  And I almost expected it to happen. It didn't. 

At the end of my day, as I strode to the back of the lot, I spotted a guy about my age or a little bit older who may or may not have been watching me from the hot environment of his car. As I neared my own car, I could swear it was he who moved his car from the previous spot right into the one next to mine. Without a glance in my direction, off he goes to planet fitness and I begin to imagine that every day he sees me walking to my car before he goes inside to work out and he's finally starting to get closer to me. Maybe he'll follow me home. Maybe tomorrow he'll park next to me and say hi. Maybe someday we'll get married. As he sauntered into the distance I watched him incredulously. It must have looked like I was checking him out. I don't even remember what he looked like. 

So I got into my car and probably that day turned the air on full blast and it probably started working right as I turned into my driveway. 

I am thankful to God that my family has Glorious Window Units That Work. So when I go inside my car sweat evaporates and I am happy. 

I like to spray perfume in my car so it smells extra-nice. It doesn't have bad smells in it, but it's kind of a non-elegant car so to make it smell elegant is a nice idea. It doesn't seem to be working anymore. Perhaps the summer heat is attacking the scent molecules? Maybe I should spray it in my vents. 

Speaking of vents, there's an air vent-grate thing right where customers stand while they purchase items at a consignment shop I, well I don't frequent it, so I guess I occasion it. Of course I didn't notice this grate and was wearing heels and the heel went right through and the rubber coating of the heel was stripped off and I haven't gotten around to gluing it back on. 

My natural reaction to everything is to make a very surprised-sounding "oh!" And I found out that the nice older ladies who run the shop never noticed the grate either. 

It was a very funny incident.